On this page, we talk about what some people think is true about
Domestic and family violence is when someone close to you hurts you, such as:
- your partner, like your boyfriend or girlfriend
- a member of your family
- someone who takes care of you
- someone you live with.
There is support available if the information on this page upsets you.
You can find out more on our page about support.
What domestic and family violence is
Domestic and family violence includes all types of
Violence or abuse is when someone:
- hurts you
- scares you
- controls you.
Some people think it only includes physical violence or abuse.
But this is not true.
For example, it includes
Sexual violence or abuse is when someone:
- makes you do sexual things you do not want to do
- does something sexual to you that you do not want them to do.
It includes
Financial violence and abuse is when someone:
- takes your money
- stops you having a say in how you spend your money
- makes you pay for other people's things.
It also includes
Emotional violence and abuse is when someone:
- says things to make you feel scared or bad about yourself
- makes you feel confused about what has happened to you
- controls what you do.
But these are just some examples.
There are many types of domestic and family violence.
Who can experience domestic and family violence
Some people think that domestic and family violence does not:
- happen often
- affect many people.
But domestic and family violence happens a lot.
In Australia, 1 in 4 women have experienced domestic and family violence from their partner.
People can also experience domestic and family violence from other people they live with.
For example, their friends.
Some people think that domestic and family violence only affects families who do not earn a lot of money.
But domestic and family violence can happen in any family.
It does not matter:
- how much money they make
- where they live
- what their background is
- how old the people in the family are.
Some people think that you can only experience domestic and family violence if your partner is a man.
But you can experience domestic and family violence from someone of any
Your gender is what you feel and understand about who you are as a person.
You might think of yourself as a man or woman or something different.
You can choose the words that are right for you.
You can also experience domestic and family violence in any kind of
Your relationship with someone is how you are connected to them.
For example, from:
- a family member, like your child who has become an adult
- your carer.
Why domestic and family violence happens
Some people think that domestic and family violence only happens because people:
- get angry
- lose control.
But using domestic and family violence is a choice that people make.
And they make this choice so they can have control over someone else’s life.
For example, many people who use domestic and family violence:
- do not get angry in other areas of their life, like at work
- do not hurt people outside their family.
Some people think that people who use or experience domestic and family violence are not
When you are confident, you:
- believe in yourself
- know what you can do
- can try new things.
It is true that many people who experience domestic and family violence can become less confident over time.
But all kinds of people can use or experience domestic and family violence.
Some people think that domestic and family violence only happens because women make men angry.
But there is no reason for someone to use domestic and family violence.
It does not matter who made who angry.
Some people think that domestic and family violence can happen because there are people who:
- want to get hurt
- should get hurt.
But no one should experience domestic and family violence.
It is never your fault if you do experience it.
Relationships with people who use domestic and family violence
Some people think that domestic and family violence only happens in relationships once or twice.
But domestic and family violence usually gets worse if someone stays in the relationship.
Some people think that a person would leave their partner if they were experiencing domestic and family violence.
Or that if a person stays with their partner, then the domestic and family violence must not be too bad.
But it can be unsafe to leave a partner who uses domestic and family violence.
And people might stay in these relationships because they:
- are scared
- are worried about money
- hope that it will get better.
Some people think that many women lie about domestic and family violence.
For example, they might lie about:
- experiencing it in their relationship
- how bad it was.
But it is very rare for women to lie about domestic and family violence.
And often women pretend that the domestic and family violence was not that bad.
How domestic and family violence affects children
Some people think that children do not know when domestic and family violence happens around them.
But most children do know when domestic and family violence is happening.
They might:
- hear it
- see it.
Some people think that children do not experience domestic and family violence.
But people who use domestic and family violence are more likely to hurt their children.
It is never your fault if you have experienced the bad behaviour we talk about on this page.
We are sorry that this has happened to you.
The first thing you should do is make sure you are safe.
If you or someone you know is in danger, call Triple Zero.
000
We have a section on this website about how to call Triple Zero.
You can find out more on our page about a guide to call Triple Zero.
You can contact 1800RESPECT for support.
You can call them.
1800 737 732
You can talk to someone online.
You can send them a text message.
0458 737 732
If you send them a text message, you can just send the word ‘HELLO’.
You can leave your partner if this is where you are experiencing the bad behaviour.
For example, your boyfriend or girlfriend.
You can find out more on our page about how to be safe when you leave a relationship.
If you are not ready to leave your partner, you can still make a plan about how to be safe.
You can find out more on our page about when you are not ready to leave a relationship.
You can get support from your friends and family.
It is a good idea to tell them:
- what they can do to help you
- to focus on what you need to feel safe.
You can keep proof of the person’s bad behaviour if it safe for you to do so.
You can give this proof to the police if you decide to contact them.
You can start to manage your own money so you can leave if or when you want to.
You can find out more on our page about managing your own money.
You can share what is happening to a government organisation.
For example, the Australian Human Rights Commission (AHRC).
AHRC is an organisation that makes sure people treat others:
- fairly
- equally.
You can call a helpline.
Helplines are phone numbers that will connect you to people who:
- care about what you are going through
- can give you good advice.
We have a list of helplines on our website.
You can find out more on our page about helplines.
You can work with someone to explore how you think and feel.
This can help you:
- reach goals
- feel safe
- learn skills
- understand what happened to you.
You can find out more on our page about counselling.
You can learn more about the rules about how people must treat you:
- fairly
- equally.
You can find out more on our page about your rights.
You can think about what you can do to care for yourself.
You can find out more on our page about caring for yourself.
You might have experienced the bad behaviour from someone who did a service for you.
For example, from:
- a health professional
- someone who cleaned your house.
You can talk to the person who organises your services if this has happened to you.
