On this page, we talk about how to stay safe when you are not ready to leave a
Your relationship with someone is how you are connected to them.
For example, from your:
- partner, like a boyfriend or girlfriend
- friends
- family.
This includes a relationship where you experience
Violence or abuse is when someone:
- hurts you
- scares you
- controls you.
There is support available if the information on this page upsets you.
You can find out more on our page about support.
Why you might want to stay in a relationship
We know that leaving a relationship is not easy.
It is okay if you do not feel ready to leave a relationship where you are experiencing violence or abuse.
This includes if you are experiencing
Domestic and family violence is when someone close to you hurts you, such as:
- your partner, like your boyfriend or girlfriend
- a member of your family
- someone who takes care of you
- someone you live with.
You might want to stay because you are too scared to leave.
You might feel like there is no one to help you.
You might also rely on the person using violence or abuse for money.
Or you might rely on them for support.
For example, if they are your carer.
You might still care about the person who is using violence or abuse.
They might be kind sometimes.
And they might tell you they will not use violence or abuse again.
Sometimes people who use violence or abuse can change.
But they might not change.
And sometimes they can get worse.
It is never your fault that the violence or abuse is happening.
It is always the fault of the person using the violence or abuse.
How you can stay safe
If you are not ready to leave a relationship, you need to make sure you stay safe.
You can make a plan to be safe.
You can find out more on our page about how to be safe when you leave a relationship.
You can find out how the law can protect you.
For example, you could get a against the person who has hurt you.
A protection order is a legal document that helps protect you from domestic and family violence.
You can find out more on our page about legal help after experiencing violence or abuse.
Example story
We wrote a story to show an example of how to be safe when you are not ready to leave a relationship.
The story we wrote is about a person called Tori.
The story and the people in it are not real.
We made them up to explain how to be safe when you are not ready to leave a relationship.
Tori’s story
Tori has been with her boyfriend for 5 years.
Tori felt safe and happy at the start of her relationship.
But now Tori’s boyfriend sometimes uses violence and abuse.
Tori’s boyfriend:
- says mean things
- hurts her feelings.
This makes Tori feel sad and scared.
She hopes her boyfriend will change.
Tori does not feel ready to leave her boyfriend.
She only works 2 days a week.
This means she does not have money to support herself if she leaves right now.
Tori talks to a
A financial counsellor is someone who can help you plan how to manage your money.
They tell Tori about support she can get to manage her money if she decides to leave her relationship.
Tori also talks to a service who can give her support for domestic and family abuse.
They support Tori to make a plan to keep her safe.
Tori feels like she has somewhere safe to talk about her experiences now.
It is never your fault if you have experienced the bad behaviour we talk about on this page.
We are sorry that this has happened to you.
The first thing you should do is make sure you are safe.
If you or someone you know is in danger, call Triple Zero.
000
We have a section on this website about how to call Triple Zero.
You can find out more on our page about a guide to call Triple Zero.
You can contact 1800RESPECT for support.
You can call them.
1800 737 732
You can talk to someone online.
You can send them a text message.
0458 737 732
If you send them a text message, you can just send the word ‘HELLO’.
You can leave your partner if this is where you are experiencing the bad behaviour.
For example, your boyfriend or girlfriend.
You can find out more on our page about how to be safe when you leave a relationship.
If you are not ready to leave your partner, you can still make a plan about how to be safe.
You can find out more on our page about when you are not ready to leave a relationship.
You can get support from your friends and family.
It is a good idea to tell them:
- what they can do to help you
- to focus on what you need to feel safe.
You can keep proof of the person’s bad behaviour if it safe for you to do so.
You can give this proof to the police if you decide to contact them.
You can start to manage your own money so you can leave if or when you want to.
You can find out more on our page about managing your own money.
You can share what is happening to a government organisation.
For example, the Australian Human Rights Commission (AHRC).
AHRC is an organisation that makes sure people treat others:
- fairly
- equally.
You can call a helpline.
Helplines are phone numbers that will connect you to people who:
- care about what you are going through
- can give you good advice.
We have a list of helplines on our website.
You can find out more on our page about helplines.
You can work with someone to explore how you think and feel.
This can help you:
- reach goals
- feel safe
- learn skills
- understand what happened to you.
You can find out more on our page about counselling.
You can learn more about the rules about how people must treat you:
- fairly
- equally.
You can find out more on our page about your rights.
You can think about what you can do to care for yourself.
You can find out more on our page about caring for yourself.
You might have experienced the bad behaviour from someone who did a service for you.
For example, from:
- a health professional
- someone who cleaned your house.
You can talk to the person who organises your services if this has happened to you.
