On this page, we talk about sexual violence or abuse that you might experience from your partner.

For example, your boyfriend or girlfriend.

There is support available if the information on this page upsets you.

You can find out more on our page about support.

On this page:

• What sexual violence or abuse from your partner is
• How sexual violence or abuse from your partner can affect you
• What you can do
• Example story

Sexual violence or abuse from a partner is a type of domestic and family violence.

Anyone can experience sexual violence or abuse from their partner.

It does not matter:

• who you are
• what type of relationship you have with your partner.

  Your relationship with someone is how you are connected to them.

It is never your fault if you experience sexual violence or abuse from a partner.

It is important to get the support you need from:

• someone you trust
• a support service.

You do not have to deal with your situation on your own.

Everyone who takes part in a sexual activity should give their consent.

Your partner should respect your decision about:

• if you want to take part in a sexual activity
• where, when and how you want to take part in a sexual activity.

It is your right to make these decisions about what you want.

You have not given your consent if your partner makes you feel:

• scared to say ‘no’
• threatened.

You have not given your consent if you say ‘no’:

• with your words
• with your body, like pushing your partner away.

You have not given your consent if you say nothing at all.

You can give your consent to take part in a sexual activity.

But you can change your mind at any time.

This means the sexual activity should stop straight away.

Everyone needs to get consent for every sexual activity they take part in.

But your partner might try different ways to make you give your consent.

For example, they might try to:

• physically hurt you
• threaten you
• trick you
• make you feel guilty if you say no.

If you do not want to take part in the sexual activity, the sexual activity should not happen.

You might give your consent for sexual activity with your partner one time.

But this does not mean you also give consent for sexual activity in the future.

It might seem like your partner just wants sex.

But sexual violence or abuse from a partner is often about trying to control you.

Everyone should be able to make choices about sex for themselves.

Your body is yours.

It does not belong to your partner.

We wrote some examples of sexual violence and abuse to help you understand what it is.

You can skip this section if it upsets you.

Your partner might try to touch or kiss your body without your consent.

They might do this:

• over your clothes
• under your clothes.

Your partner might masturbate in bed beside you without your consent.

Your partner might make you watch someone else taking part in sexual activities, without your consent.

For example, they might make you watch pornography.

Your partner might make you get undressed when you do not want to.

Your partner might try to put something inside your private body parts without your consent.

For example, a sex toy.

Your partner might try to get you pregnant without your consent.

For example, they might:

• take off the condom while you are having sex
• damage your birth control so it does not work.

  Birth control can stop you from getting pregnant.

Your partner might use bullying while you are taking part in a sexual activity.

Your partner might hold you down so you cannot move, without your consent.

For example, they might use a rope.

Your partner might check if you have done anything sexual without them knowing.

For example, they might make you show them your underwear.

We wrote some examples of the ways sexual violence or abuse can affect your:

• physical health
• mental health
• behaviour.

If you have experienced sexual violence or abuse from your partner, you might get injuries on your body.

You might also feel stressed.

And a lot of stress can make people get sick.

You might worry about getting pregnant.

Your partner might force you to get an abortion, even though you do not want to.

If you have experienced sexual violence or abuse from your partner, you might feel:

• stressed
• shame
• lonely
• empty.

You might also feel that the sexual violence or abuse is somehow your fault.

But it is never your fault if you experience sexual violence or abuse from your partner.

If you have experienced sexual violence or abuse from your partner, you might find it hard to:

• do everyday tasks
• concentrate.

You might not want to take part in:

• sexual activities
• activities that you enjoy.

You might not want to spend time with your family or friends.

The sexual violence or abuse can stop, no matter:

• how long it has happened for
• how you feel.

But a partner will not stop using sexual violence or abuse unless they:

• want to change their behaviour
• take actions to stop.

There is support you can get if you want to leave your partner.

But we understand if you want to stay with your partner.

You can get support to:

• stay with them in a safe way
• make sure the sexual violence or abuse stops.

There are steps you can take if you have experienced sexual violence or abuse from your partner.

We have information and resources on this website to help you get the support you need.

You can find out more on our page about support.

You can think about how you can be safe.

You can find out more on our page about becoming safer.

We also have information about how you can get the most out of life.

You can learn more on our page about getting the most out of life.

We wrote a story to show an example of someone experiencing sexual violence or abuse from their partner.

The story we wrote is about a person called Eve.

The story and the people in it are not real.

We made them up to explain sexual violence or abuse from a partner.

Eve has a partner called Joan.

Joan tries to touch Eve’s private body parts when they are in bed together.

Eve tells Joan that she does not want to have sex.

Joan gets upset.

She asks Eve why they are in a relationship if they do not have sex.

This makes Eve upset.

Joan begins to masturbate next to Eve.

Eve tells Joan that it is making her uncomfortable.

Eve experienced sexual violence or abuse.

This is because Eve did not give her consent.