On this page, we explain how you can talk to someone who is experiencing violence or abuse.

There is support available if the information on this page upsets you.

You can find out more on our page about support.

On this page:

• When to talk about violence or abuse
• How to talk about violence or abuse
• What you should say
• What you should not say
• How to keep the person safe

You should speak up if you notice signs that someone is experiencing violence or abuse.

This could be violence or abuse from a:

• partner, like a boyfriend or girlfriend
• family member
• friend
• carer.

You can find out more on our page about signs of violence and abuse.

You should speak up if the person you care for behaves in ways that physically hurt people.

You can find out more on our page about the person I support is using violence or abuse.

You should speak up if someone tells you that a person is:

• hurting them
• making them feel bad about themselves.

It is important that you say something when someone experiences violence or abuse.

But it might feel scary to talk about.

You can find out more on our page about what you might be thinking or feeling.

Before you talk to someone experiencing violence or abuse, you should think about:

• what you want to say
• how you want to say it.

You should talk to them in a safe and quiet place.

You should also talk to them in a way they will understand.

And you should give them time to think about what you tell them.

You also need to make sure you talk to them:

• in a kind way
• with respect.

You could ask the person if:

• someone has hurt them
• everything is okay at home
• they feel safe
• they are upset.

You need to be careful how you ask the person questions about what is happening.

You want to make sure they only tell you:

• what is true
• what they are comfortable telling you.

Sometimes it can be hard for the person to explain what is happening or how they feel.

You need to give them time to do this.

If the person cannot use words, you can talk to someone who supports them to communicate.

You can:

• tell them you are worried
• ask them what they think.

You can tell the person that they do not have to live with violence or abuse.

You can also tell the person that you:

• believe them
• want to listen to them.

You can thank the person for:

• trusting you
• sharing their experience with you.

You can tell the person that the violence or abuse is not their fault.

You should tell the person about anything you do to try to stop the violence or abuse.

For example, you should tell the person if you talk to the police about what is happening.

You should not tell the person that they have to leave straight away.

Sometimes it is not easy to leave a situation where you experience violence or abuse.

You can find out more on our page about when you are not ready to leave a relationship.

You should not tell the person that the violence or abuse is their fault.

You should not tell the person how they should feel about the violence or abuse.

Everyone who experiences violence or abuse has different feelings.

You should not tell the person they have to talk about what is happening.

You cannot force someone to talk when they are not ready.

You can suggest they call a helpline.

Helplines are phone numbers that will connect you to people who:

• care about what you are going through
• can give you good advice.

We have a list of helplines on our website.

You can find out more on our page about helplines.

You should not make decisions for the person.

But you can support the person to make their own decisions.

You can find out more on our page about supported decision‑making.

You might want to speak up for what the person wants and needs.

You can find out more on our page about speaking up for the person you care for.

You should not try to talk to the person who is using violence or abuse.

It can make things worse.

It is better to focus on supporting the person who they hurt.

Sometimes the person using violence or abuse will blame:

• drugs and alcohol
• mental illness.

You should never say that the violence or abuse is okay because of these things.

You can let the person know that you are safe to talk to.

But it is also okay if they do not want to share what is happening.

You can find out more on our page about talking to the person I care for about violence or abuse.

You can contact the National Disability Abuse and Neglect Hotline.

They can give advice about how to support people with disability who experience violence or abuse.

You can call them.

1800 880 052

You can send them an email.

hotline@workfocus.com